Monday, November 24, 2008

Redneck Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
Throughout the trailer park
No sounds could be heard
Not even a bark
Empty beer cans were stacked
By the outhouse door
In hopes that Uncle Rick
Would soon bring some more
The children were nestled
In their cardboard beds
While their parents were passed out
From the booze in their heads
When out from the night
There arose such a clatter
I sprang from my sleep
To see what was the matter
I went to the window
And wiped off the crud
When out in the yard
I heard a great thud
I saw an old pickup truck
With deer on the hood
Uncle Rick had arrived
Like I knew he would
In a stupor he stumbled
And cursed in the night
Dragging a bag full of beer
An unforgettable sight
With a friggin’ and a MoFo
And a dammit to hell
He somehow slipped
And fell down the well
And though the morning came
Like a steaming hot turd
I still can remember
Uncle Ricky’s last words
“This holiday sucks
And my life is a fight,
Merry Christmas my ass
And my ass you can bite!”

'Tis The Season...AGAIN!

So here we are once again, The Holiday Season; Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s. And once again we find ourselves saying, “Where the hell did the year go?” It goes by so fast and even faster as we get older. But for a brief period in time, the world is more wonderful than usual, cheerier and friendlier. We wish we could be kids again and still believed in Santa Claus and all the wonder of that feeling and still love the sight of a new snowfall. But as we get older, snowstorms are our mortal enemy, especially when you drive for a living and the only thing that really creates that sense of wonderment of Saint Nick is having children of our own and to live everything through their eyes.
My children are older now and although I still love the holidays tremendously with all of the family together it is a tad bittersweet knowing that another year has gone by. I guess I won’t have that childlike feeling again until I am a grandparent someday… but I am not quite ready for that just yet. For now, I will just enjoy the way it is, be thankful that everyone is still alive and healthy and trod outside to shovel that white stuff until my hands are frostbitten. When I am finished doing that and stand back to admire the job I did, the plow will come by and block me in once again and I will find myself saying the beautiful colorful things my dad would say in those situations or maybe even make up a few new words of my own.
Either way, be thankful, be happy and cherish the ones around you because that is what truly makes the holiday season what it is…A magic time in our lives.

Happy Holidays and thanks for reading from, THE COMEDY TORNADO!!

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